knowing i'd be back one day

Arizona Trip

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 17:44:24 GMT

The desert is more beautiful than I expected. Tucson rests at the foot of the Catalina Mountain range and a spread of plains and distant mountains circle the area. The weekend was a great time to get away from winter in Indiana, and a chance to see some faces I had almost forgotten.

The flight out was freaking early on Friday through Denver. Colorado has been on my lists of places to go for a while, but I certainly did not expect to see Robert Gossett. He noticed that I noticed and it was awkward for a moment. He asked me where I was from and where I was going and all that. I thought it was polite of him.

Some of the highlights of the weekend:

At lunch on Sunday I ate with three Madison-Grant grads - two of which went to Taylor. That evening there were a total of four of us that were in Upland at one point or another, but funny how I didn't really go to see them. Authentic Mexican in the states is when you have a live band playing at your table and you're 20 miles from the Mexico border. We decided that anyway.

We watched the sunset over the plains. Colors I have never seen in the sky appeared one after another. Later the next day we hiked Mt. Lemmon (8000 ft elevation) and saw the view of Tucson below across the desert. The mountain top was covered in pine trees and the oxygen was a bit thinner up there, but we managed. We took some time on our own to explore, which probably ended up being the most peaceful thing I'd done in months.

They want me to move out there. It's tempting, but I can't for sure know how realistic. I think right now though I need to stop thinking about the future - I'm still on vacation. Currently, my weekend escape has brought me back to Marion. I strolled through Taylor last night at 2:45am once I got away from the airport finally. I made my way over here to IWU and spent the night with a familiar group. Actually, I was just thinking I could steal Zack's computer, because I've been tempted by laptops lately, but he doesn't have to know that.

Wait, back up. I have to tell you about the flight from Tucson to Denver on the return trip. There was a woman sitting next to me in a leather jacket that just couldn's help but talk to everyone she saw. She had just attended a Rollergirls Competition and was bragging about the first place win that her girls had recieved. The team came from Texas in the Austin Texacutioners league, which, I have recently learned, has earned quite a bit of standing through the last few years. Her team from the league was The Beauty and The Beating. A group of high school girls all dressed in towels and face cream looking like they could kill you right from the booklet. They beat out the favorite Tucson team by a close game, and the excitement never seemed to stop for the 1hr 23 minute flight. I now know everything I ever wanted to about Competitive Women's Rollerblading. Glad I got that one checked off.

Today I see friends and then it's back home. The weekend did have some good news about my future, but I'm waiting to hear back and then I'll tell you whether or not it's happening. Time for an IWU shower right now though.

Me and You and Everyone We Know

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 16:59:20 GMT

I'm going to copy Liz and put something here from this movie:

))<>((

Now the question is do I like Miranda July or now?

All this week I've slept in, made some calls to some people in Indy about working in their theatres, and then spent time reading or writing. The truth is I am much happier not having that job anymore.

Anyone have some stories they want to submit for film ideas?

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 04:50:18 GMT

Looks like I'm done with retail now.

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 05:45:00 GMT

I have one of those disturbing Kroger parking lot banners in my room now. A gift from that girl I know.

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 16:37:11 GMT

Some decisions coming up:

Move to Arizona and live with two old friends, go to grad school in chicago, stay here at home and continue teaching, move to Indy and take a chance with an editing job there, or move back to Marion and go unemployed for months at a time.

Any other options?

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 06:30:50 GMT

Sixteen hours of filming today and we're still going tomorrow afternoon. I never thought people would be pointing a real shotgun and three different types of handguns at my face. Ed's Warehouse has no heat except for one small room we keep for breaks, so it didn't exactly agree with my apparent pneumonia. I'll have to come back to see it.

I saw The Squid and The Whale with Liz and Chalupa the other night after another enjoyable Pizza Hut dinner. Noah Baumbach certainly took some cues from his friend and producer, Wes Anderson, and I was glad he did. One particular thing I noticed was the movie's focus on how some people want to be someone other than who they are. One scene that stuck out to me (& that Shorb pointed out, for the movie blog group) is the scene with the oldest son and the mother.

The son has opinions about things he really knows nothing about (mainly because of his father's influence) and his mother tries to give him advice, and he says to her, "But that's not who I see myself as." She says, "But what if it's who you are?" He looks puzzled. "But it's not who I see myself as." There are some good examples in this film of learning to think for yourself and making your own opinions. I admire that in people.

The movie did have some things in it that were a little difficult to watch and I'm still thinking about it. Certainly a few good lines for future reference.

My play is coming up - if you want tickets let me know so I can reserve them for you. I'm directing The Miracle Worker February 3rd and 4th in Rushville, IN. $5 for students.

Shows in February and March. Info coming soon.

stop licking me already.

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 03:55:02 GMT

Once the new year's party settled down, I slept in a familiar way with some friends and dreamt of bottles and strange tastes on my lips. There were old people in my dream and I remember we were playing a game or something and everyone was getting married or at least dating by the end of it. Eventually, everyone stopped talking and started laughing. Fingers kept being pointed and the only other person there not laughing just sat and didn't speak to anyone. I woke up wondering what was so funny.

It was freezing but I had M&M's, a warm breath on my neck, and a cat to sit on my head. Pretty sure that was the cat anyway.

I'm feeling better finally. Two weeks to the day.

Christmas In Bed

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 18:52:08 GMT

I haven't slept for more than a couple hours at a time the past few nights due to this cough and sore throat that I've had. Last night, we had family over and played poker while eating the famous family chili. I lost three bucks- again. Oh well.

Christmas presents include: music - Wolf Parade, Richard Swift, Explosions in the Sky, Shipping News; movies - Batman Begins; books - Vonnegut's A Man Without a Country; plays - The Miracle Worker, special edition; and of course, socks. Oh, and a new belt.

Just one more day to get well before inventory week begins. It's times like these that I wish I had insurance.

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 06:10:36 GMT

Tonight my parents renewed their wedding vows for the big 25th anniversary. My father purchased a new ring for her and surprised her with it at the altar - her face was worth it all.

It was a happy night for my family.

Merry Christmas.

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 03:29:21 GMT

For Christmas, guys at work gave me Professional Wrestling magazines to "understand the world that is Pro Wrestling". I swore no one would take it in the trade session and I was right.

Five days off for Christmas, you say? Well then, I think some old friends need visiting.

...stop trying so hard. Okay. Got It.

See you soon.

a brother's love

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 01:09:52 GMT

My brother's words.

In reference to his math professor returning from an illness:

"The bitch is back - but she's not the kind you go home and brag to Mom about."

We came to the conclusion that we are the exact opposite in every way. He's the one that's captain of three sports a year, Prom King, voted "Most Likely to be the Most Popular in College", more girlfriends than I have toes, and what you see is what you get. I like to think that we know each other better than we actually do simply because we are brothers. Even though he views music, film, art, literature, relationships and just about everything else meaningful completely ass-backwards, somehow we still accept one another for the truth of who we are. No matter how different - we know what the other one is about.

I've always felt that my closest friends are more like brothers than Doug ever will be to me. Having guys that love and care about me in my life has kept me going - especially up to now. Friends like Jeremy, Shabotz, BG, Josh, Sean, Zachary, Burke, Frank, Curt, Brandon, Joe, Batsie....

Sometimes they don't know how much they mean to me and what they've done to encourage me. If you're reading this guys, I want you to know.

Still, I have this feeling that there's something that will remain between my actual brother and myself for the rest of our lives. Of course there will be. We will always come together and know that our family is what we have. Holidays become routine, college becomes a job, and then I'm Uncle and sending birthday cards I pick out two days before. Regrets? Sure, it would have helped to spend more time with him when I came home from college or at least call to see how things were going. I'm not even sure how it would have changed things. I just wish I knew him the way a brother should.

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 22:52:57 GMT

Liz told me to update - so I am.

The Harry Potter night was good times in Muncie once again. Ran into old floormates at Starbucks and tried not to laugh at the (I think) drunk girl in teh mexican restaurant.

I'm leaving it "teh" for Kory. For old times sake.

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 18:11:26 GMT

Chorale concerts this weekend and then I'm finally having auditions. Four weeks of getting ready and I still feel unprepared for this play. This week I will have to take it all.

New cell number: 765-561-5300

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 18:46:32 GMT

My Mom had her tests and they kept her all day and ran the same series of tests three times. They couldn't find anything wrong with her. The original x-ray and scan that she had was sitting there beside the three new tests - completely changed. I don't know what to think, whether it was God or what, but I was just really happy when she came home and gave me a hug, smiling. She got a raise and word of her holiday bonus that day as well - nothing's keeping her down.

I'm so grateful for your prayers. They are appreciated.

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 22:11:34 GMT

After all the exciting wedding renewal plans, bad news came today from the doctor. They found a spot on her breast. My father is beside himself. I'm trying to take it in strides.

Please pray for my mom.

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 20:44:42 GMT

One month from yesterday. Where did it go?

I like having two days off in the middle of the week. I have everything to myself.

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 18:37:45 GMT

I think I might be schizophrenic & I am finding myself really paranoid about it.

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 16:14:42 GMT

I've been indecisive about some things recently. Grad school was definitely one of them. I didn't really want to go straight into school again, so I think this will work out better for me. I am getting restless though...the thought of being in a film school and making projects constantly...

I've been writing more music lately as well. Revived some of the old band's material and added some extras to fill it out. I really wish I still had my keyboard. I've been able to borrow from people or use pianos - but it's not the same. Combating boredom hasn't been that bad with all the music and writing and reading. I may be broke, but I am feeling more productive than ever.

I do miss being in that band though. We almost never speak now, but at that time at least...I suppose this is one of those transition times you read about in books. Thanks for the signposts.

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 20:33:32 GMT

I think I have a job now. Have to wait until its all final - but Blockbuster it is. Looks like I'm consistent enough to work there this summer.

(if that Stohrer kid can do it, then I will too.)

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 19:18:14 GMT

Off to the Dude graduation this weekend. Tons of things in the works, that is if Burke and I get disciplined enough to do them. The volleyball games have been relentless so far, and I'm okay with that. The Magnificient Seven are pretty much all leaving for the weekend, but Zack will be there to hide some treasures for us to find. Had a great show last night - new friends and all.

I have a cell phone now. Email or comment if you'd like to know.

Tue, 31 May 2005 16:38:28 GMT

I love my housemates...and murder mystery parties.

Happy Birthday, Annie.

Tue, 24 May 2005 19:08:10 GMT

I'm glad I stayed home for a few days. My parents and I are doing great now compared to where we were. I sorted through my stuff and will be keeping most of it at home so I don't have to keep it in the back of the van for the summer. Working things out with my parents was always something I wanted, but I never really took the responsibility. Until a little while ago, a friend told me to just take action and work it out. Sometimes I just need to hear it I guess.

The Briarwood party after graduation was great. We all cooked out and talked about stuff that seemed to matter. Saw some old friends that came back for the day as well. I definitely will come back to the apartments to visit next year. At sundown I said goodbye to probably ten other seniors before heading out in my over-packed van. It was the perfect way to end the day.

I'll be in Marion for the summer. Email is best at this point unless I get a cell phone in the near future (still waiting for the insurance quote to decide if i can afford it though). I'm still using my taylor email for the summer as well as getting mail there with an off campus box. Let me know how you are doing and how the summer is starting off.

While I've been home, I ran into some old friends that had been gone for years. It was the guys that were in a band with me back in high school. There's talk of getting together and doing something as a band again since they're in Indy playing together. They have all changed so much (for the better). We sat around and caught up on the last five years for probably four hours before we had to leave. Amazing how things can change so quickly.

Fri, 20 May 2005 13:44:44 GMT

I'm moving out of the dorm and into the 324. A summer unlike any other is here.

I love you.

Sun, 15 May 2005 16:20:29 GMT

Walking back to the room last night, I kept stopping every few steps to look up...and then look back. It was beautiful. The entire night in every way. When I looked up, the sky was almost a purple glow that seemed to connect in various places and directions. It was split in two pieces with a curved line and then it led downwards toward the horizons on either end. The gaps between the sections in the middle were so defined, and the color seemed to dissipate and reappear as you moved east to west - over and over. The southern half of the sky was completely clear. The stars were shining and there were no clouds to speak of. A fitting difference.

We stood and watched - since neither of us could speak of anything more. It has been too long.

I'm so grateful I couldn't sleep.

Thu, 05 May 2005 16:02:42 GMT

I finally resolved some things from the past with someone yesterday. Maybe it's the fact that I'm graduating, or that I really don't want to be bitter about it anymore. Either way, I feel good about talking to this guy and telling him what I really think. We've just avoided talking to one another most of the year and it was always that awkward feeling when we were around each other. I think we both forgot why it even got to that point.

I wonder who changed first in the past year.

Last night, I had one of those talks until 3am where inhibition was lost. It's been too long.